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Posted by / 16-Nov-2017 12:33

While I may flirt or develop friendships with other Black gay men, I’ve never seriously pursued a relationship with one.When I’m on Tinder, the men I’m more likely to swipe right are usually athletic white men between 21 and 30.I’ve received messages that said, "I love BBC," or "I never been with a Black guy before," or, on the opposite end of the "no Blacks" spectrum, I've seen white men who are "not into white guys, sorry."When I'm dating a white man, I occasionally feel like I need to confront the issue of race head-on and acknowledge the difference in life experiences between me and my partner.It can be frustrating, but also deeply enriching, to teach someone about my cultural upbringing.

The ways in which I have been objectified and fetishized by them has often made me feel that I’m only good enough for sex and not for a relationship.When I read a recent essay by Michael Arceneaux, his words hit me hard.He questioned why Black men in particular want so desperately to be acknowledged as desirable by white men who have no interest in dating outside their race.There are also times when I feel like my white partners are trying to overcompensate for their whiteness. Does it give them a sense of moral superiority around other white people, as if they are more progressive?They start social justice conversations, bringing up racism and homophobia almost as if they're trying to prove how down they are. Does it make them feel less guilty about gentrifying the neighborhood?

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